Here’s a little something about me that you may or may not know. I’m incredibly tenderhearted. Open the dictionary to the word and you’ll see my picture there beside it, probably weepy, because when I feel, I feel deeply. I usually don’t have a hard time “mourning with those who mourn” and sometimes, my little social justice side will come out and get angry on behalf of someone who’s hurting.
Today is no exception.
I had a hard time sleeping last night. Weird dreams, in and out of sleep, uncomfortable. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the Spirit preparing me. Maybe it was the popcorn i ate before bed. And then I checked Facebook. I had a notification. “Your friend is marked safe…” something about a “violent incident” in Las Vegas? I googled and saw there had been a mass shooting. Dozens dead, hundreds injured. My heart broke in that moment as I realized my friend was right there in the midst of chaos and bullets. I wanted so desperately to run to her and buy her coffee and soak in that she is ok. It dawned on me that this is the closest I’ve ever been relationally to a mass shooting. I’ve been nearish to them geographically. And I think realizing this made my heart hurt more. All those families who’ve lost loved ones, those friends who can no longer call their people for random stuff. So many tears.
I told you. I feel deeply.
I tried to log off social media for awhile. I failed. I got angry. People are already calling the government to action, seeking gun reform, using the deaths and injuries as a platform. I got livid. These people didn’t ask to be a part of the gun reform lobby, or the NRA lobby, or whatever platform decides they are needed to further their goals. I understand the anger, but it pains me to see them using death. Whatever I feel about gun reform can take a back burner for a day to mourn those lost and pray for the injured and their families.
So my tender heart, that i try so hard to protect, is broken… again. I’m still learning how to deal with all these emotions that get stirred every time crap in life happens, whether it’s earthquakes, hurricanes, or other natural disasters, or if it’s war, mass shootings, terrorism, man made disasters. All I can truly think of is Lord Jesus, please come soon!
So today, while it seems like our nation is going to hell in a hand basket and people mourn those lost, I’m reading and praying the psalms, and reminding myself constantly that while this world may be broken, I know that God is still sovereign and He is near to the broken hearted.
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