I’m sitting in a coffee shop near my house as I write this. I’m enjoying my (default) iced decaf americano with my Spotify worship playlist blasting in my ears. I finished my work for today, but I’m soaking in His presence.
In college, I lived at coffee shops, almost literally. I learned which ones had the most bang for the buck and would park there with my computer and books in tow. So today, when my husband came home early to work from home, I took off to a coffee shop with my books and computer in tow to get some work done. But I honestly think it was, in part, that I needed a place for a reset.
I’ve been struggling a lot with my identity lately. I have been putting it in what I do. I am a mom, I am my own business owner, I blog… But the thing is, my kids will eventually grow up and move out. I may decided to close my business or blog. All things I do will eventually… end. So putting my identity in such ephemeral matters is not only ineffective in defining me but also dangerous. When I focus on those things as my identity, I become less than. I become a grumpy mom, a person who gets drained from work, from blogging. I become a worse version of myself. But when I focus on Him, it’s no longer me. It’s me becoming greater than because He is greater than. My identity is no longer forged in the ephemeral but the eternal. And I needed a chance to recenter and remember this.
So the first thing I did when I got here, after ordering my drink and loading my playlist, was open my bible to redefine my identity by centering on His identity. I don’t think I realized just how generous God is. He has given us over and above His glorious grace, his love, his mercy, his peace… These are the things He’s been trying to tell me. “Karen, my child, I love you. I want good things for you.” But I have to remind myself that these good things are, more than likely, counter cultural blessings. Perseverance, sweat, tears, dependence on the only One who truly matters, hard things.
Oh that I would continue to lean on Him!
In Him, -Karen
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