I got mad at God last night. If I had been alone with no one around, I probably would have yelled very loudly at Him. You see, last night I was at a bible study and part of it was practicing entering the presence of God. We discussed unbelief and how sometimes that was a hindrance.
And then I realized my area of unbelief…
and I yelled at God by writing aggressively in my journal. But in my anger, He was so kind.
As I laid it all out there, tears streaming down my face, asking God for one thing, He gave me a picture. I was being beaten up, face on the ground, unable to fight back, and suddenly, I wasn’t. Jesus stepped in between me and my accuser and took that punishment for me. He reminded me that He suffers with and for me, and it’s through His stripes we are healed. And then my brain, as I was writing this down, thought of Hunger Games and Katniss volunteering as tribute. Christ volunteered so I wouldn’t have to.
It was a hard night last night, and a part of me is still very much processing it, but I left feeling lighter, like I had released this huge burden by getting angry and laying it all out there. Today I’m thankful that He is a big God, and he can handle me getting mad at Him. He still continues to remind me of who I am and who He is, and I’m still learning to lean into that identity.
Perhaps you’ve been told you can’t get angry at God, that you can’t question Him. Job had a crappy lot in life and he threw his questions at God. God can handle it. Sometimes, before we can get healing in our hearts, we have to ask those questions we’ve been harboring that’s grown into doubts. I challenge you, get mad, tell Him your doubts, ask him the questions gnawing away at your soul. Let Him take them and scatter them and remind you of the truths He’s spoken to you.
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