Today is my childhood best friend’s birthday. We did everything together from third grade to fifth grade when she moved. She moved next door to my grandparents and I would go there after school almost every day, play SNES games (I ROCKED Donkey Kong Country and she’d get jealous because I would do it better than she did, however, she ruled at Super Mario Bros.), drink cafe con leche (more like a lot of warm milk, loads of sugar, and a bit of instant coffee… the beginnings of my love of all things coffee), and eat all the random foods that her mom made. She was Nicaraguan by birth, but by the time we became friends, she’d been adopted by her stepdad and became an American.
I haven’t spoken to her in years.
But last night, I found her mom on Facebook and messaged her. We spent a little time catching up, and I asked her to wish her oldest happy birthday for me. Talk about refreshing my spirit.
Yesterday, I also spent time reminiscing on other friendships, ones that also ended, but with less warmth in the memories. Some were intentional on my end and others were less intentional but the ending was still there.
In my life, I’ve learned that sometimes you have to prune to stay healthy, and sometimes it’s cutting out things, and sometimes it’s ending relationships. Throughout high school and much of college, I had a friend that I met because we shared an ex-boyfriend. Both of us hit it off and became really close really quickly. We got into shenanigans with each other, and I went to see her after the birth of her firstborn. She even took me to a Brad Paisley concert! It was a great concert, but I still don’t like country music. Eventually, it became clear that the relationship was toxic. I nicknamed her my HMF, High Maintenance Friend. I had to have safeguards in place if I were to hang out with her because after about half an hour, any good mood I had would be gone. She was an emotional vampire to me, needing me for her validation. It wasn’t healthy, and I realized I needed to sever the friendship. It was hard. I had always believed that friendships were kind of forever, and when I intentionally severed this one (after getting married and a new phone number without giving it to her), a part of me mourned. The friendship ended, and with change often comes pain.
Other friendships ended similarly to my childhood best friend’s. We just stop talking. Sometimes I’ll reach out and try to contact them again, sometimes I don’t. I hate when these things happen, but I also realize sometimes it’s a part of life.
So, dear readers, take a moment to think of the friendships you have, past and present. Reach out to those with whom you’ve lost contact. Maybe it’ll be a rekindled friendship. Cherish the friends you still have and maybe give an extra hug or emoji text. Great friendships deserve to be celebrated.
In Him, -Karen
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