Well, 2020 was a doozy of a year. I’ve learned, though, that in those doozy years (2017 was another one for me, personally), God loves to grow His people. So, as the new year begins, I am taking time to reflect.
In 2017, I began the practices of praying for a word that God would use to define the year. Last year, my one word was vision. I fought it. Why would God give me such an obvious word for the year? Then, life happened. In the process of waiting for the end of one season and the beginning of the next, the pandemic hit. I had to rein in my extrovertedness and relearn to be content in my core family. I learned to navigate conflict (by making a lot of mistakes, I might add). I completed my graduate school while also at home, with kids, supervising their schooling too. I learned to let go of a lot of things, but God also clarified a lot of things for me. 2020 was a year God gave me His glasses.
I let go of needing external validation. I found myself finding validation in His Word, not who others say I am.
I let go of apathy. A life of passion for others is exhausting, especially for an empath like me, but apathy does nothing either. Instead of letting the events of 2020 lead me to a life of apathy and inaction, I learned how to maintain passions for things He’s called me to be passionate about without getting to the point of apathy.
I learned to set boundaries. Lemme tell you, I am a social being and there’s nothing I love more than hanging out with all my friends at once and being a goof. I love these things, but… I also deeply care for others and long to elevate those who are outcast. Saying no to social gatherings this past year has been hard. We’ve not seen most of our family in over a year. Cancelling a trip to Texas for Christmas was difficult, but we also knew that was the best for us and our family. It was a case of “not this year, but definitely when it is safe for us all again!” In saying no, though, I also learned to develop new habits and go on adventures with the kids. For instance, we discovered a local state park with fun hiking trails. Being outside got me out of the house and into nature which has always been a way I’ve felt connected to God. I developed a practice of early morning walks to spend my waking moments with God. My vision gained clarity. He gave me His dreams and His words to encourage others while actively protecting those who are most vulnerable. I’ve also taken several breaks from things that cause my mental and physical well being to decline. Say it with me, “Boundaries are good!”
I learned to forgive and seek forgiveness. 2020 was a year of tension with all my relationships. I’ve learned that viewing all of humanity as image bearing creations of God, loving them comes both more easily and more challenging. At times, I want to shout that they are precious to Him and why can’t they see that? and other times I want to weep at the mistrust humanity has toward each other and God. I’m guilty of casting blame on others, and I’m guilty of placing too much blame on myself. I’ve learned in practicing this view of humanity, I neither esteem anyone greater than another, nor do I despise anyone more than another. This view has leveled the proverbial playing field. When one person dies, I cry. When one person is victorious, I cheer. The empathy I’ve felt has only grown.
As 2021 begins, I continue to pray for clarity and vision for what He has planned for me and for one word for the year and how to pray with that word in mind. I have found this practice to be quite beneficial, especially reflecting on how I’ve grown to view God and His Children in the process. Each year, the relationship I have with Him shifts and changes like the seasons, but the journey is great and I’m convinced that He is still the greatest. 2020 was a year of unlearning and relearning, especially in regards to my relationship with humans. He, however, maintained His character, so while the walls of my understandings of the world crumbled, He remained a firm foundation, unchanging. When I couldn’t see through the tunnel, He showed me His Light.
2020, thank you for the lessons you’ve taught me. Thank you for showing me more of Him, and encouraging the deconstruction of ideologies that placed me before Him and others. Thank you for reminding me where my priorities were skewed. 2020, you may have been a difficult year, collectively for many, but you have been good to me because of these lessons.
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