Monday, I wrote about where my heart is, wounded, shattered, and completely surrendered to God. And since writing that, I’ve continued to battle my demons, knowing that I really do have the victory, but still feeling rather defeated. That’s something that the enemy, the Accuser, loves to do. He’ll point out your imperfections, holding up a microscope so you can see that yes, they are completely real, there, and very prevalent. Here’s the deal, though. In our weaknesses, our imperfections, God is there and S T R O N G!
This week, I feel like he’s been reaffirming that my weakness is right where he wants me. “It’s gonna hurt.” Like hell it will. “My mercies are new every morning!” PRAISE!
I was lamenting how alone I felt the other day. I laid it out there for God to see, and then a friend texted. “You wanna chat? I know you’ve been having a hard time.” She hadn’t read my blog yet.
YES! but I’m terrified of letting you in on my crap. “How about after this work meeting?”
“I have to get my kid from school. How about tomorrow?”
“Sure!” I attempted to put on a happy face but i was filled with dread. Thankfully, this was a text message.
That call happened. I laid it all out there for her to see, even big, ugly tears. Near the end of the call, “Karen, let me pray for you.”
I strongly dislike asking for prayer, especially for something I think of as deeply personal. It’s just not a thing i like doing. I don’t know why I have a hang up asking for prayer when I’m currently blogging about this depression that seems to have seeded and sprouted in my life. Perhaps that’s a lesson God is teaching me in this season.
But the thing about this prayer that struck me? She was calling out truths that she saw in me and thanking God for them. “Thank you that Karen uses humor. Thank you that she feels deeply.” In this place of darkness, I had forgotten to look for and speak truths over me. “There may yet be hope.” Even so, it is well.
In what ways have you forgotten to look for and speak truths? How have you forgotten your identity? You. are. valuable. You are worthy. You are important. And thanks be to God that you are here. Right now. Reading this. May God show who you are, and may you revel in that and soak in that identity, because losing sight of who you are is disastrous, but being reminded of how God made you? It’s rebuilding, refreshing, and joyous, even if sometimes it hurts.
In Him, -Karen
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