I started a blog post yesterday regarding words and the power they have, but I think God wants something else of me today. Words are important. After all, it’s our way of communicating, but I think there’s something else I’m supposed to write today.
I wrote a few months ago about feeling like I was depressed. I was in a very dark place and had been there a while. It was hard. And I had struggled so much with my identity. Then I wrote about placing my ebenezer, a marker of the transition between that darkness that enveloped me and where I am today, in awe of God’s goodness.
What is true in the light is still true in the dark.
This was not my first bout with a darkness that threatened my faith. I’d gone through a very doubt filled time in college as a religion major. Let me just tell you now, being a religion major and dealing with doubts is hard. It’s nearly impossible. But I also know this, that religion major served me well last year. I knew what was true in the light. I knew that I was a child of the Most High God, that He called me by name. I knew I was His delight, and he called me beloved. I knew that well before the Darkness settled in.
Have you ever been in a dark place and you’re terrified of what’s happening around you? Perhaps it’s the heavy breathing of your roommate, or it’s a piece of paper covering a vent, or your pet is moving around, settling down again. So you turn on a light and realize what it was. The light casts out the lies, the shadows that the darkness brings, and even when the light is turned off, you know what that noise is, what the shadow is, and the fears that once surrounded you in the darkness are nothing.
I realized a few weeks ago that one of the biggest things that helped me see in that dark time was my community. I’m not talking about this city or neighborhood, although my neighbors are pretty great. I’m talking about these friendships that have been forged because someone reached out and wouldn’t take “fine” as an answer. These friendships are those that celebrate the good and mourn the losses. These friendships have been handpicked by God for such a time as this. They take a lot of work, but they’re worth it. Even when I didn’t realize it, God knew I needed a safe place and these friendships provided that.
And now it’s my turn.
I went to a gathering this past weekend, and as I was listening to these women teaching about discipleship and the importance of it, I realized that I’ve been poured into a lot. Last year, for instance, felt like I was constantly being poured into, not that it’s a bad thing, but now it’s my turn. It’s my turn to pour into others, to let others see their identity in Christ, to show others how He redeems them. It’s my turn to be the safe place for those who are in the darkness, who feel unloved, to get in the dirt and muck and walk alongside them. I have no clue what that will mean for me, but hey! I’m gonna do it because God asks me to. He truly makes me brave.
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